When Someone Else’s Pace Slows Down Your Life: A Universal Lesson in Regaining Control
There comes a time in nearly everyone’s life when progress hinges on someone else’s speed. Maybe it’s a coworker, a contractor, a helper, a friend, a personal partner, or a business partner, or someone whose role touches a major part of your plans.
At first, their slower pace seems harmless.
A small delay here, a postponed task there.
But gradually, you realize:
Your life, timeline, and peace have become tied to a pace that is not your own.
This realization is uncomfortable —
but it’s also a powerful teacher.
Lesson 1: Never Attach Your Urgency to Someone Who Doesn’t Share It
Some people naturally move slower.
They don’t feel deadlines the way others do.
They don’t sense urgency until a consequence taps them personally.
Some, don’t even feel urgency when they stand to lose everything they ever owed.
But when your goals, wellbeing, routine, or financial stability depend on timely progress, someone else’s slow pace can begin to affect your:
- momentum
- mental clarity
- sense of control
- emotional energy
- ability to move forward
The hard truth is:
If the outcome impacts YOU, then the timeline must be managed BY you.
Delegating is healthy.
But delegating the pace of your life rarely ends well.
Lesson 2: Gratitude Doesn’t Mean You Aren’t Struggling
Many people try to soften frustration with:
“It could be worse.”
“At least I have something.”
“I should just be thankful.”
And while gratitude is powerful, it does not erase discomfort.
Two truths can exist at the same time:
- You can be grateful.
- You can also be tired of waiting.
You can appreciate what you have
while still acknowledging that the circumstances are difficult.
Struggle doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful —
it means you’re human.
Lesson 3: The Burden of Delay Rarely Falls on All Parties Equally
One of the most surprising lessons in life is this:
The person completing a task is not always the one who feels the weight of its delay.
You may be the one experiencing:
- limited space
- disrupted plans
- financial strain
- emotional fatigue
- halted progress
- daily inconvenience
Meanwhile, the person moving slowly may feel none of those consequences. They show up each day with no urgency whatsoever. In fact, they may even tell you, “I’m doing the best I can.” and your expected to choke that down as nothing more can be done to hasten the speed of the project.
This imbalance is where frustration grows —
not out of anger, but out of carrying a load someone else doesn’t feel.
Lesson 4: When Life Requires Progress, You Must Direct the Steps
People who move slowly often don’t accelerate until the structure around them changes.
Momentum isn’t created by pressure —
it’s created by clarity:
- clear expectations
- clear steps
- clear timelines
- clear goals
Instead of waiting for someone to adopt your urgency, break the work into manageable pieces and set the pace yourself.
You cannot always control who helps you,
but you can control how the work is organized.
Lesson 5: Control the Controllables
Waiting on others can make life feel paused, but there is always something you can steer:
- planning
- preparation
- organization
- financial strategy
- communication
- boundaries
- next steps
Progress isn’t always about speed;
sometimes it’s about direction.
Taking control of the pieces that belong to you brings peace back into the process.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Your Life Deserves Forward Motion
If there’s one takeaway, it’s this:
Never let someone else’s slow pace become the reason your life stands still.
Choose Wisely
Delegate tasks, yes.
Collaborate, absolutely.
But never surrender the momentum of your entire life to someone who doesn’t live with the consequences of delay.
Your goals deserve movement.
Your spirit deserves space.
Your future deserves progress.
And growth begins the moment you reclaim the timeline. Start by analyzing a person psychologically before choosing them as someone in control of your next step. It might not set well with some of you, but I’m realizing some profound truths that I so wish I’d realized about 40 years earlier in life….
TRUTHS LIKE:
ASK AROUND TO OTHERS IN THE AREA BEFORE YOU CALL ANYONE TO DO SOMETHING THAT WOULD PUT THEM IN CONTROL OF ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE…….GET THE LOW DOWN ON THE TYPE OF PERSON THEY ARE BEFORE YOU EVER CONTACT THEM. THESE ARE SOME OF THE OLD APPALACHIAN WAYS THAT MY GRANDPARENTS LIVED BY….AND I LEARNED THE HARD WAY WHY THEY LIVED BY THESE GUIDELINES.
Look at a potential partners/contractor’s vehicle….. Is it clean, organized, up to date, and maintained??? It doesn’t have to be new, but is it in good shape, and is it clean?
Look at their shoes……Are they well maintained, soles in good shape, heels not worn, uppers clean???
Do they look you in the eyes and speak to you in full sentences about the project? OR…….DO THEY ONLY ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS AND HESITATE TO MUTUALLY COMMUNICATE?…….OR …..Do they willingly engage in conversation and ideas on the same ‘page’ as you with the project?
Can they talk about ANY SUBJECT and swing back and forth on subjects well? DO THEIR NEURONS FIRE????? If not, then ……………PASS THEM UP!!!
Are They Well Groomed? It matters and it matters a lot…..I’m not referring to name brand clothing, I mean clean, neat, professional, and matching. YES, matching.
If a person can’t groom themselves well, then chances are they will not be detailed on the job. They will short-change you in a New York second, in my experience.
Choose THE BEST, NOT….THE CHEAPEST…. Paying extra means you get a job done on time and don’t have to beg 3 years later for them to finish your house…. Meanwhile, you are still living in an RV….. Building a home should take, in my opinion, a maximum of 6-8 months.. Whatever your project is, determine the length of time to finish BEFORE you start it and make them sign a contract stating they understand the urgency and the approx finish date.
BE WISE!!! Please don’t skip any of these suggestions. READ THEM WELL….. It’s especially good advice when hiring contractors…… Hindsights 20/20…..
Take note: Anyone with lots of promises and who sounds as if they are begging for the job…..PASS THEM UP!!! Anyone who comes to you and sounds as if they are a walking billboard advertisement and sold on themselves……….. PASS THEM UP!!! Good partners or contractors do not have to beg and will have a full schedule.
MAKE A CONTRACT….and both of you sign it…. NEVER PAY OUT EARLY REGARDLESS OF EXCUSES….. GIVE THEM A TIMELINE ON THE CONTRACT… AND A PENALTY FOR NOT BEING FINISHED BY A CERTAIN DATE BOTH AGREED ON AT TIME OF CONTRACT. SEEK LEGAL ADVICE ON EVERYTHING YOU DO!!
Mercy Sakes Alive ….God forbid, if it’s your personal partner and they suddenly want to do a major project ‘to save money’.??? Oh, mercy……. Keep in mind, certain larger projects, like building a home, for instance, could end up in a permanent change of life for both. LACK OF URGENCY in one partner could lead to heavy frustration in the other partner. If two different values of URGENCY are forced together on a large project, then the worst result is usually the outcome. The lesson I’ve learned the hard way is:….NEVER ALLOW A SLOW PARTNER TO BE IN CHARGE OF BUILDING OR ANYTHING LONG TERM…NEVER. GET A PROFESSIONAL THAT CAN GET THE JOB DONE AND KNOWS HOW TO DO IT….. ONE THAT TIME MEANS MONEY TO THEM, AND THEY WORK WELL & WORK FAST. When you know a person is SLOW by nature and ‘hard headed’ as to consequences for their slowness, don’t give in to allow them to do anything that will hold your life pattern out of a normal path…. Don’t do it…. Get professionals!!!! Often they promise one thing and deliver a totally different scenario when the story gets written….. Slowness will bring lots of resentment to any relationship.
Some of us were raised with the same principles as I was raised… SADLY, some were not….
Back when I was home, ……..When we started something, we finished it promptly. Plus, if we said something, we meant it……. Daddy always told me that my word was all I had, and if a person’s word became tainted, then they’d lose their value. I can still recall how Daddy used to tell me, “If you’re gonna do something, then get it done, no excuses….Do it right!….No Delays”. This mindset was how I was raised…. We had a sense of URGENCY in EVERYTHING we did. We had a plan, and we worked our plan……….We had a good name, and we maintained that name. We stayed quiet, and we maintained our responses. No yelling, no cussing, no arguing, no screaming, no cursing, and to us, only a madman would stoop that low to act like that…. It was our way, but in today’s world, things like respect and urgency are often pushed to the side. Make sure you partner with the right mindset and doesn’t have ‘issues’ you can’t live with….
SO, indeed, URGENCY DOES MATTER…. BEWARE OF THOSE WHO LIVE WITHOUT IT……..
If you enjoy stories like this, you’ll love the other life lessons & memories I’m sharing on The Appalachian Sage. …………And if you’re ever in the mood to browse something pretty, you can stop by my Etsy shop, The Appalachian Sage Shop, where I pour the same love and kindness into each design.